im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
