you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
