I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we're making bets on your personal life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
