He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
