dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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