Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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