i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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