Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
