its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize