i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
