He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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