Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
