Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
