pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
