Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize