Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
