At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
