I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
