So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
