my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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