I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
how drunk are you?
Several
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
