Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
