My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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