I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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