i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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