Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
