I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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