Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
