**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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