Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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