Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
