she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
