Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
