Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
