I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
