i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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