I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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