all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
