I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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