she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
