I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We need to get me chipped asap
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize