Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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