how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
