I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
