My Higher Power is John Stamos
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
