happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
