Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
