I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
