her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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