I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
