He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
