I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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