Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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