Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
