we have officially lost it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
