I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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