its not stalking. its research.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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