Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
