is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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