I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
