The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I love having hate sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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