btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize