Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize