i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
