Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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