Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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