About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
