This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
