I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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