We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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