i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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