Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
