This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
